Drowning in cobwebs

Apologies aren't enough but I offer them anyway.

I'm sorry I haven't written here in over 5 years.

I don't know exactly what compelled me to try to (and fail to) remember my old passwords but here we are.

I can't promise that I'll post more but it would behoove me to look through the drafts and flesh something out, if only to make more than say sorry.

But I am. I am sorry.

 I hope you're doing well.

The march is over

A lot of the things that used to infuriate me to no end and would choke me with violent fantasies of vengeance-laden revenge... they seem to be gone.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that for the past year or two, I've been too exhausted to care about anything other than keeping the lights on, trying to swim against the raging current of financial debt, and trying to find light beneath an increasingly pitch-black sky.

Maybe it also has to do with the idea that I've been subconsciously meditating and trying to find peace without even trying. Seeking peace not by seeking "peace" but by meditating and grounding oneself to be stronger and to love oneself. I really have become more zen with, despite the occasional intense flash of fury.

I've slowly been realizing that a perpetual state of anger and hatred does my progress as a human being a great disservice. I do more harm than good by snarling and raging and keeping my fists clenched and at the ready. Not just to myself but those around me.

This zen-like state I've stumbled into admittedly has some degree of dark potential but I'm not going to go out of my way to find out what it is because perhaps it is much easier to let go of these burdens than it is to justify them and in doing so keep carrying them. It's easier to destroy these burdens than it is to maintain or keep building them.

It makes me wonder what my natural state really is. Anger? Sadness? A blank slate?

I'm a far cry from who I was years ago.

Years from now I'll be a further cry who can hear a very faint echo.

Review: Not the Actual Events

Not the Actual Events

Nine Inch Nails

2016

The trend seems to be that whenever an artist makes a comeback, they release something of a substantial length. A full-blown comeback tour, a full-length album, or some crazy shit like that. Trent Reznor doesn't always follow trends. As such, the nth return of Nine Inch Nails wasn't one of deafening fanfare but more of an abrupt howl from out of nowhere. One could argue that the release of Not the Actual Events was brought about by public outcry and pressure for Trent to deliver on his promise that there would be new Nine Inch Nails material before the end of 2016. One could also argue that Trent released it when it was damn good and ready and this is where my review starts.

There was a great deal of speculation and (for want of a better term) controversy regarding the release of Not the Actual Events. Trent said in December of 2015 that there would be Nine Inch Nails material in 2016 which prompted fans to wait patiently as weeks and months rolled by without as much as a word or tease or hint of anything. It wasn't til the last 10 days of December of 2016 that Trent made good on his promise... sort of.

Not the Actual Events is... choppy. It really feels like it was rushed and cobbled together from bits and pieces rather than tied together with care and the fury of previous releases. I'm all for fury, choppiness but I often hold others to higher standards than myself. To get a furious release by NIN is great but to get an incohesive release by anyone really, is kind of a letdown. There are exceptions if the product is interesting as a whole but that's not really the case here.

"Branches/Bones" starts with what I still feel is a rushed drum beat, like "Oh shit, we're releasing this when?!" So as a result of that, I see it as rushed and indicative of the rest of the EP from the start, which I'll admit isn't a fair assessment but it's hard for me to see what makes this particular song NIN. Just feels like an odd song, really.

"Dear World," carries a similar vibe but feels more fleshed out and as a result, more cohesive and complete. Like an indicator of what Trent was listening to from the old days as he was working on the EP. Not to say that it's a fantastic song but it's definitely a start.

I've never been one for droning songs but "She's Gone Away" is something of an exception. It's an interesting drone but still a drone and as such, just fades into the background.

"The Idea of You" was probably the most interesting/engaging song for me on the EP which harkens back to With Teeth but not enough to convince me that it was left off that album for some undisclosed reason. It carries some of that fury that I've always liked on NIN material so that already gives it points despite feeling somewhat disconnected from the rest of the EP. Although one could argue that it's that reason that makes it so interesting and worthy of more listens.

"Burning Bright (Field on Fire)" is another drone song only made memorable by the chorus. This one stands out though from the rest of the album because it feels meta. As if Trent was recognized that this would be something of a divisive release. It throws a bit of everything at the listener: the droning, sonic fury, only some of Trent's savage poetry, and that feeling of "Get used to this" (Break through the surface and breathe (this new air).

This really is a divisive recording. After several listens, you can recognize that it tries new things to a certain extent, plays with the standards and expectations of "Nine Inch Nails" but doesn't always do them successfully but also doesn't rely on nostalgia or "Nine Inch Nails". Not the Actual Events feels more like the first signs of something different and bigger but these first steps are shaky at best.

The last major Nine Inch Nails release was Hesitation Marks in 2013 (if you don't count Remix 2014 EP, in 2014 if you hadn't already guessed). What followed was a lengthy tour and a hunger for more material. Trent Reznor remained active in different areas but when it came to Nine Inch Nails- the project that put him on the map, he was pretty silent. 

Was the wait worth it? Hard to say really. It all boils down to opinion and preference, all propped up by varying degrees of fanaticism and eagerness. For me, I think (because I was hoping for a full-length album) Trent should have focused more on Nine Inch Nails throughout 2016 to release that "something" we were all hoping for, or delayed the release til 2017 after having added to it thus providing what would have ultimately become a disjointed and erratic but still somewhat cohesive LP.

Not the Actual Events has its moments but they are pretty scarce, a fact made more obvious on an EP but these scarce moments would definitely stand out and be received glowingly on an LP. 

7/10