An unblinking history

"Life isn't just about passing on your genes. We can leave behind much more than just DNA. Through speech, music, literature and movies...what we've seen, heard, felt...anger, joy and sorrow...these are the things I will pass on. That's what I live for. We need to pass the torch, and let our children read our messy and sad history by its light. We have all the magic of the digital age to do that with. The human race will probably come to an end some time, and new species may rule over this planet. Earth may not be forever, but we still have the responsibility to leave what traces of life we can. Building the future and keeping the past alive are one and the same thing."

- David Hayter as Solid Snake, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty

"... What we've seen, heard, felt... anger, joy and sorrow... these are the things I will pass on. That's what I live for. We need to pass the torch, and let our children read our messy and sad history by its light."

Thanks, Snake.

I'm not someone who will go back and edit my previous journal entries or this blog's history (unless it's to avoid copyright nonsense or something).

I need to learn from my past though I will do my best to shun it or stuff it away. Sometimes, I see how far I've thrown myself into something and then when I am no longer that same person, I want to hide away and deny but the better of me triumphs.

To learn.

I really want to discard the past but I know that doing so derails the present and the future and the general well-being of anyone crossing my path.

Absences

She disappeared for a while and it slowly devastated me. It splintered my solid foundation. In those moments of confusion and pain and anger, there was a light. A revelation during which I found myself and found knowledge.

It is often said that "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I will usually disagree and argue that absence opens the door for anger, confusion, and general feelings found in a corrupted heart. Not to say that the owner of the heart is an immoral, deplorable person but that something inside them isn't firing on all cylinders like it should be which in turn allows negativity to seep in and corrupt them. Extreme sadness, feelings of extreme helplessness, and generally being glum and blue more frequently than is considered healthy.

In my experience, absence causes confusion. Then anger, destruction, an unresolved apathy, and a general feeling of incompletion.

If the absence was explained, there are less problems because I am not in the dark.

I suppose the universal truth is that we all feel incomplete and to remedy it, we crave knowledge or at least answers.

Why did she abandon me?*
*I don't really care about this one anymore because I found something so good that whatever abandonment I felt is now a simple blip or just a tear in the ocean: nothing.

Why are we here?

What's life all about?

Boss, why are you doing this?

A hand, not a book

I don't like self-help books.

I like help and I like books, and I also like the self but I don't like self-help books. Books help(ing) the self are good but self-help books aren't.

I don't like their premises or how they operate. 

Their premises make sweeping generalizations or exploit a few vague similarities to the point of strongly suggesting that everyone is the same to the point that if everyone follows a few guidelines, they can be happy or rich or can unlock the secrets of the universe.

The secrets of the universe are universal and as such are unique to all 7+ billions souls on Earth (not including those who exist beyond the confines of our atmosphere). As such, the secrets of the universe as well as the notions of happiness, wealth, and love can only be unlocked/discovered on one's own terms. And since we're all vastly different creatures, they are different and we cannot be held to some vague general guidelines found in a self-help book. 

Self-help books, in my experience, seem to ignore/disregard the basic fact that we are all different: what works for me, doesn't work for you or what's-his-face or what's-her-name and so forth.

I don't think it's right for a self-help books to make sweeping generalizations about a person and give them false hope through said generalizations. Don't lock people in boxes like that. Let them run free. Let them learn through trial and error. Let them use their intuition, let them use their logic. 

Once, someone I knew asked that I read a self-help book with her. I couldn't do it. I tried to get through it but I couldn't do it. I renewed the book several times from the library and made an effort to read it but I always got bored, annoyed, irritated, and insulted with the book that I put it down and read something else, watched a movie, or generally did something else that wouldn't piss me off.

I tried but couldn't get through enough pages for any sort of meaning to sink in because it always felt like I was being talked down to and like I was totally helpless. It didn't really have much to do with why I was asked to read the book though in retrospect the reasons were valid but maybe the execution and proposed method for resolving the issues could have been much different. 

If I were to be approached with that situation again, I'd decline altogether and argue that taking generalized instructions from an unaware and totally oblivious source isn't the best of ideas. If there's a situation we need to tackle, it should be together with each other.

I appreciate the sentiment but really: 

Let them be.

Let it be.

Let it bleed.

Let the world be.