ReLent

(Or Re:Lent)

Lent will be over soon. I keep telling myself this in an effort to cope with the self-imposed inability to swear. It's very difficult because I'm so used to swearing in order to emphasize points or make myself heard more. Of course, by having this mindset, I'm probably missing the whole point of Lent, which (I can only guess at, as I am not Catholic though I was baptized as one when I was like 2 or 3) is to relinquish something willingly not merely "hold back". Because you're not actually sacrificing anything by simply holding back, you're simply doing less of that something. I haven't uttered "the F-word" or the others but simply by coming close to using them and catching myself just before actually uttering them, I've done two things: betray myself and look foolish. Really, it looks dumb when I go "Ffff-" because you can see my two front teeth so I end up looking like Goofy. It's more of a "holding back" because a part of me is just itching to throw a string of swears to describe the pettiest of situations. Not a good sign, is it?

Still, one could argue that by not actually uttering obscenities, I'm doing well in my display of solidarity.

But I'd counter that with: re-read that paragraph. I tacitly state that I suck at Lent because I'm not actually giving up foul language as I've come very close to swearing several times ("fff-). And the world keeps turning. Chances are I may write about Lent again before its over. Only this time, I will have spoken with someone who knows their stuff and can clarify what happens if you mess up and what Lent means (beyond modern peoples following in the footsteps of Christ, albeit in a seemingly petty way). I say petty because the "First world" (or any "developed" country, really) has little to worry about. I say that because I'm a fairly staunch believer of the phrase "It could be worse". Now, when you throw in this concept of Lent, you have to consider Christ who for 40 days resisted the devil and all the stuff he tried to get him to do. It was a grueling test, I would imagine. (Regardless of whether you believe in omnipotent deities and such, or simply deem religions as stories and whatever, you have to admit that being faced and tormented and basically taunted by the greatest evil ever is grueling). Now, we don't have anyone to face against but our own selves, so... our 40 day sacrifices seem petty. But then again we can't all be Christ, now can we? So I suppose in our own way, our "struggles" are "grueling".

As you can already ascertain, I've a very small knowledge of Lent and Catholic traditions in general.

And people.

Spring forward

I, and everyone who turns their clock back for daylights savings, lost an hour in the blink of an eye. In the blink of an eye if you happened to be awake when the switch took place. I know I was. I looked at my computer's clock and it didn't read 2, it read 3. Then I remembered it was basically spring and it was time to change the time. I don't really care about this, even though a lot of people complain that they lost sleep. But then again, sleep is a very valuable thing. More to some than others, I suppose. I'll probably comment on the time change thing later once it becomes noticeable again. But for the time being I will say this:

Despite being aware of the change, I woke up thinking it was 11-something when it was, in fact, almost 1. At which point, I had to change the time on my watch and alarm clock. If I didn't do it now, I would probably never do it later. It's a small hassle that doesn't kill me but not doing would probably hurt me. You see, there's a cable that runs from the base of my spine to my alarm clock and my watch is attached to my wrist in an almost symbiotic pairing. The alarm clock- I can't write the rest because it's pretty dumb and because I didn't think it out. I suppose not being on time would hurt me, and you, and everyone.

Be on time. If your country/region/area observes daylights savings time, adjust your time-keeping devices accordingly. If your country/region/area does not observe daylights savings time, carry on.

Sur

No hace frío
por todas partes.
Hace calor al sur.
Y en la superficie del sol.

No existe una tormenta
violenta
de hielo
que mata la luz
y extiende dolor.

Lo único
que vuela
es el aire
y los pájaros
hacia al sur.

Si tienes frío
cubrete y busca fuego.

Si sientes el invierno
sonríe.
Estás vivo.

Es que tartamudeo

Apenas se me ocurrió que aunque mi nombre de pluma es un nombre español, con la excepción de dos poemas, no he escrito en español.

Para decirte la verdad, no sé como explicarlo. Puede ser que hablo más inglés que español (me acostumbré a esto desde que era seis). Quizás esa es la razón por cual no escribo más en español. Desde pequeño, he escrito más en inglés, porque en los Estados Unidos, el idioma dominante es el inglés. No te lo tengo que decir porque casi cada película que sale de los Estados Unidos es en inglés. También, con su literatura y música.

El español lo reservo más para familiares y amigos de familiares. De vez en cuando me encontraré hablando con los familiares de mis amigos que insisten que hable en español. Lo hago para no causar problemas, y para que me dejen en paz más pronto. ¿Suena poco cruel? Lo siento.

También uso el español para traducir cuando tenga que. O cuando quiero decir algo sin dejar que una persona en particular lo entienda. Suena poco cruel.

Nunca hago cosas con la intención de ser cruel.

Ah.

Mi ortografía es de la calidad más alta, aunque en realidad es basura. Los acentos todavía me frustran. Pues, no todos. Reconozco cuando usar la mayoría como en palabras que terminan en -ion : revolución, institución, etc. Puedo deletrear bien y esto me confunde y me causa un poco de ansiedad porque soy joven y no he tenido mucha educación en español como mucha gente mayor que yo que tuvieron la mayoría de su educación en un país hispanohablante. Ellos reemplazan qu- con la k. Yo nunca hago esto. Entiendo que resulta en el mismo sonido y es más fácil pero se ve muy extraño y no educado. ¿Que cuesta escribir dos letras?

¿Con kien kieres ir? ¿Por ke?

A veces me da asco leer cosas escritas así.

No debería hablar yo porque la manera en que escribo suena rara. Lo que quiero decir es que no siempre suena natural, suena más como si fuera una traducción de Google o de Babelfish. Y esa es mi culpa por no mantener mi vocabulario.

Aunque tengo estos problemas, todavía lo hablo muy bien. Es decir: cuando hablo, mi acento no suena como si el español es mi segundo idioma. Pero todavía tartamudeo de vez en cuando.

Le Copine

Some time back, a friend dropped some rather valuable knowledge on me: a girl I had taken an interest in was already dating someone. I had more or less lost interest in a lot of things by then (as I was retreating into my mind, and other activities) but okay, it was valuable to know for future reference. I think. Still, it was a bit of a bummer but it happens, live and let live, the wheel keeps turning, the river keeps flowing, oh well, etc and so forth. This bit of news didn't really bother me because I hadn't expected my luck with the ladies, as of late, to change in my favor. After he dropped said knowledge on me, I shrugged off my initial slice of disappointment because, like I said, I hadn't expected my luck to change favorably or at all. If anything had happened, it would have happened; if not, I would have just kept marching on. No big deal. A while later, he said I shouldn't let that spot of bad luck get to me and that I perhaps would meet someone very soon.

I shrugged that off but later thought about it in more detail. I then realized that while he meant well, he had taken a tone similar to certain relatives. The same ones who ask about my girlfriend and ask when I'm getting married.

Gustavo Barba-Roja, you cad! Have you no shame?! Were you about to stick your finger in another pie?! One that was already taken?! You're a monster and I feel so sorry for soon-to-be-former-future-Mrs. Barba-Roja! That poor thing. You fiend! If I could slap you over the internet, I would bludgeon you repeatedly! You scoundrel! Hmph!

What?! No! Let me explain!

I have no plans to get married any time soon meaning I have no fiancée; my relatives just like to bust my chops (I hope they don't mean it when they ask about when I'm getting married). They have this habit of asking "How's your girlfriend?" every time they see me, to which I reply:
• I don't have one. Because I don't.
or
• Which one? Just to end that particular conversation with a laugh because promiscuity, when a man does it, is a laughing matter and is worthy of some sort of praise, within certain circles and cultural groups, when a man does it.

Now that things are a little clearer, I can get on with this post.

My friend took a tone similar to my relatives in the sense that there was an assumption of some sort that I was actively seeking a relationship to cure any woes I may have. Or to cure that slight but apparent shred of loneliness. Admittedly, I was a bit crestfallen but not enough to make me weep or anything. I'm at a point where any problems I have will probably not be solved by entering in a relationship. As pessimistic as it sounds, those problems would probably be exacerbated and would create 2 more bitter people as a result. I'm open to the idea but I won't go out of my way to seek one out.

You cad.
Eh.

Hmm.

If there's anything I need in regards to any sort of relationship, it would probably be a muse.