The updates on here will be sporadic for a while because I've obtained a form of employment. It's not pretty or glamourous but no job truly ever is, if you think about it. Even the fancy, shiny ones have a dark side that takes away from the sheen and shine.
I won't really say what my employment consists of but I do enjoy it, to some extent. That is, I enjoy it because it lets me get some exercise and I get to work with my hands. That's something I've been wanting to do for a while because for the majority of my life I've had my nose buried in a book and the only tools in my hands were writing utensils, which got me thinking that I was really missing out on certain things. So it's fulfilling in that regard though not enough to make me want to do it for the rest of my life. I've got goals and they don't all include working with my hands outdoors for the rest of my life. But yes, I get some exercise, so it's quite good. Though, as the title of this entry says: it hurts to make a fist. Really, there's been some physical pain that has just not vanished, nor does it show signs of stopping or even improving in my favor. But I get paid money. I wouldn't say that money is my primary motivator but it is a major one because it makes the world go 'round, metaphorically speaking. We all know gravity and rotation makes the world go 'round. Though I wouldn't be surprised if it did come to be revealed that money did in fact play a very large role in the Earth's rotation. Well, I would be surprised, actually.
As you can extrapolate from that pointless babbling, I'll be busy working and making money in the physical world for a while. In that time, posting will suffer and become sporadic and infrequent. I'll still make an effort to post something substantial or at the very least entertaining.
For all this, I apologize.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
This for That
Sometimes, for no reason, I'll get caught up in thinking of the past. Or more accurately: decisions that I've come to look at with some degree of regret. In those moments, I wonder whether or not I was right in doing X instead of Y and so forth. But I also wonder about the sacrifices, however small they may have been, that were made when making those decisions.
I wonder more about whether or not I sacrificed too much or gave up more than I should have, or if I didn't give enough. There's something about this that'll drive me crazy because more often than not, the answers won't be inside me. They'll be found where I won't venture into. Primarily because that would require even more sacrifice than I am ready for right now (read: I don't wannnnnnaaaaaa). I say I don't wanna because there's really no point in trying to hurt myself by seeking out answers to corroded matters. It'd be an unfair sacrifice to exchange my sanity and well-being for something that'll send me spiraling downward into a blaze of stuff that definitely ain't glory.
That goes to prove that sometimes, sacrifices aren't worth it. You give up something valuable like time and money and in return you become horrible depressed or find out things that you were better off not knowing. Things that warp you horribly. Things that'll push you to become a horrible person, against your will. On the other hand, these things that warp you are valuable as they force you to adapt and launch you forward in one particular direction that you probably needed. One that forces you to shrug off pretensions or sever certain ties.
There are really far too many sides (to count) to everything. It's a fragile mammoth of some sort. To give something up is really a rather difficult action because you don't want to, aren't ready, really cannot, or because you are on the proverbial fence. This is often why when one makes a sacrifice, the second thoughts come flooding in. And with the second thoughts comes regret, in a varying hue of some sort.
But really, regret has no place being thought of or summoned. What matters or mattered is that sacrifice was made.
It takes a lot to give something up. Sometimes you know what you're getting into, and others times you don't. And whether you know the consequences or not, sacrificing for the sake of the known or unknown is bold, and to some degree admirable.
But you shouldn't ask yourself whether you gave up enough or not.
I wonder more about whether or not I sacrificed too much or gave up more than I should have, or if I didn't give enough. There's something about this that'll drive me crazy because more often than not, the answers won't be inside me. They'll be found where I won't venture into. Primarily because that would require even more sacrifice than I am ready for right now (read: I don't wannnnnnaaaaaa). I say I don't wanna because there's really no point in trying to hurt myself by seeking out answers to corroded matters. It'd be an unfair sacrifice to exchange my sanity and well-being for something that'll send me spiraling downward into a blaze of stuff that definitely ain't glory.
That goes to prove that sometimes, sacrifices aren't worth it. You give up something valuable like time and money and in return you become horrible depressed or find out things that you were better off not knowing. Things that warp you horribly. Things that'll push you to become a horrible person, against your will. On the other hand, these things that warp you are valuable as they force you to adapt and launch you forward in one particular direction that you probably needed. One that forces you to shrug off pretensions or sever certain ties.
There are really far too many sides (to count) to everything. It's a fragile mammoth of some sort. To give something up is really a rather difficult action because you don't want to, aren't ready, really cannot, or because you are on the proverbial fence. This is often why when one makes a sacrifice, the second thoughts come flooding in. And with the second thoughts comes regret, in a varying hue of some sort.
But really, regret has no place being thought of or summoned. What matters or mattered is that sacrifice was made.
It takes a lot to give something up. Sometimes you know what you're getting into, and others times you don't. And whether you know the consequences or not, sacrificing for the sake of the known or unknown is bold, and to some degree admirable.
But you shouldn't ask yourself whether you gave up enough or not.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Partial Conclusion
2012 was made out to be this year during which a lot of things were going to happen, or are going to happen. It's June, meaning that the year is half over. What this means is really nothing significant. As far as I can tell, things have remained relatively constant in their flow. A few spikes in either the upward or downward direction but infrequent enough to be called hiccups and really nothing more. In the grand scheme of things (or at the very least in regards to the next few months/years), this year won't matter as much as it was hyped up to be. Of course, it is also true that this year has paved a road for following years, though it'll be seen in perfect 20/20 hindsight vision. As is the case with just about everything.
2012 started very strangely for me, almost in a mocking sort of way: things were going rather well in the latter end of 2011 and that same goodness was spreading into the early part of 2012 and going nice and pleasantly... and then the rug was pulled out from under me and things got really shitty really quickly. They picked up again and seem to be in that upward momentum. I hope this isn't just another damned stall that'll eventually turn into a harrowing descent into oblivion. That would really suck, obviously. Not only because of the obvious crash that comes but because a person can only take so much of a swell rising action only to be yanked down even faster. Repeatedly. Being on a very long losing streak is by far one of the most cruel punishments or treatments that the universe can hand out to someone.
There should exist a certain amount of fairness in the universe. One can argue that one makes their own fairness, and luck, and circumstances, etc but sometimes the givens are just that: given. Nobody chooses who/what/when/where to be born in/to/etc. As such, it's unfair to say that one makes themselves.
But as far as I can tell in regards to 2012, not much of great significance has really happened. I keep hearing about bath salts and zombies but a part of me just dismisses it as nonsensical and ludicrous. In those instances, I just focus on what's in front of me in order to cope and find purpose. I have some goals to accomplish by the end of the year. Or at the very least begin because nothing ever truly ends. This year will end but the aura of this particular set of 12 months will last for a while. The same can be said for preceding years; after all, everyone always recalls to a year when Event A took place and so on and so forth.
Hmm. This entry was actual not warranted for anything other than filler, to be honest. Though a partial assessment of something like the phenomenon that has become 2012 is a good idea. Perhaps, I'll try again later. When much more eventful things have occurred.
One should also bear in mind that I have very stringent guidelines for myself, or certain aspects like my writing, which have come to warp my perception of things.
It's rather fun.
2012 started very strangely for me, almost in a mocking sort of way: things were going rather well in the latter end of 2011 and that same goodness was spreading into the early part of 2012 and going nice and pleasantly... and then the rug was pulled out from under me and things got really shitty really quickly. They picked up again and seem to be in that upward momentum. I hope this isn't just another damned stall that'll eventually turn into a harrowing descent into oblivion. That would really suck, obviously. Not only because of the obvious crash that comes but because a person can only take so much of a swell rising action only to be yanked down even faster. Repeatedly. Being on a very long losing streak is by far one of the most cruel punishments or treatments that the universe can hand out to someone.
There should exist a certain amount of fairness in the universe. One can argue that one makes their own fairness, and luck, and circumstances, etc but sometimes the givens are just that: given. Nobody chooses who/what/when/where to be born in/to/etc. As such, it's unfair to say that one makes themselves.
But as far as I can tell in regards to 2012, not much of great significance has really happened. I keep hearing about bath salts and zombies but a part of me just dismisses it as nonsensical and ludicrous. In those instances, I just focus on what's in front of me in order to cope and find purpose. I have some goals to accomplish by the end of the year. Or at the very least begin because nothing ever truly ends. This year will end but the aura of this particular set of 12 months will last for a while. The same can be said for preceding years; after all, everyone always recalls to a year when Event A took place and so on and so forth.
Hmm. This entry was actual not warranted for anything other than filler, to be honest. Though a partial assessment of something like the phenomenon that has become 2012 is a good idea. Perhaps, I'll try again later. When much more eventful things have occurred.
One should also bear in mind that I have very stringent guidelines for myself, or certain aspects like my writing, which have come to warp my perception of things.
It's rather fun.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Cracked, Dried Earth
They used to flow here:
ideas.
Swelling and bubbling
and bursting
from the now-cracked and broken
earth.
Like blood in my veins
pouring and flowing
spilling onto a page
A new landscape
A new story to tell
A new conversation
Something that compelled
even for a second
Ideas used to flow here.
Move along
Nothing to see
but a cracked, dried earth
ideas.
Swelling and bubbling
and bursting
from the now-cracked and broken
earth.
Like blood in my veins
pouring and flowing
spilling onto a page
A new landscape
A new story to tell
A new conversation
Something that compelled
even for a second
Ideas used to flow here.
Move along
Nothing to see
but a cracked, dried earth
Sunday, June 3, 2012
This never happened to the other fellow
I'm a fan of the James Bond movies. I've seen the 22 official ones about 2 or 3 times each. I say official because I've yet to see Never Say Never Again or get through all of Casino Royale 1967. You know, the "unofficial" ones. But yes, I've seen the 22 official films about 2 or 3 times each, and some more than the others. And yes I did see the Climax! episode that adapted Casino Royale into a one hour affair. It was... somethin' else.
I figured I should take a break from sounding like a pompous ass by writing about something that still feels genuine and human. My affinity for film. Particularly, the James Bond series. I say this because part of me still grins when a suave secret agent saves the world through a series of impossible and exciting though sometimes laughable events (Die Another Day). Now, these movies appeal to a part of me that refuses to die (in the same way that the Star Wars movies, and various other "boy stuff" as someone once put it): the child in me who still has some influence over the decisions I make as someone who is some distance away from his teen years and the years of puberty. Mainly the decisions that lead me to do things like laugh and crack jokes and generally find some sort of joy in life.
Growing up really sucks. There's so much you look forward to when you're a little kid and when you finally reach "that age", you really become crestfallen. As such, watching some dude named James Bond beat up the bad guys, save the world, and get the girl rekindles some part of me that still has some sort of hope for the world.
Yes, that still sounds pompous so I'll say it another way.
James Bond represents a niche form of entertainment and sophistication. There's something for everyone. For the guys, there's a man who can get any woman he wants. For the adventure enthusiasts, there's a guy who does damn near impossible things (I refer to the free running chase that opens Casino Royale 2006). For the ladies, is this strong confident handsome male that still retains his humanity. For the kids, it's a classic tale of good vs evil where the good guy wins time and time again. Therein lies the entertainment and some degree of sophistication. The rest of the sophistication lies in a deeper analysis of the characters, the movies, and the way James Bond is portrayed by the different actors over the years. When I say deeper analysis, you should run a google search for theories about whether or not the 6 different actors are playing the same man or whether the name is a code name (it's not, though some still hang to that belief, and that's cool). Bond has been portrayed as a suave playboy to a flawed and burnt-out secret agent to the ideal man of the 1960's and will continue to both reflect and influence the present era in which he is found.
Evidence of this is found in film across the board across the years. After Dr. No was a big success, spy movies were taken a bit more seriously, if not only just for profit. Casino Royale 2006 made James Bond relevant again and reflected a trend in film-making that emphasized flawed characters that attempted to emulate some sort of realism, or just made subject matter more "gritty" and less superfluous.
The kid in me enjoys watching the guy beat up the bad guys and save the world. Current me is very much looking forward to Skyfall. Now, you're probably asking yourself: How did [I] watch these 22 movies 2 or 3 or more times, each? Well, I used to have a lot of time on my hands.
I figured I should take a break from sounding like a pompous ass by writing about something that still feels genuine and human. My affinity for film. Particularly, the James Bond series. I say this because part of me still grins when a suave secret agent saves the world through a series of impossible and exciting though sometimes laughable events (Die Another Day). Now, these movies appeal to a part of me that refuses to die (in the same way that the Star Wars movies, and various other "boy stuff" as someone once put it): the child in me who still has some influence over the decisions I make as someone who is some distance away from his teen years and the years of puberty. Mainly the decisions that lead me to do things like laugh and crack jokes and generally find some sort of joy in life.
Growing up really sucks. There's so much you look forward to when you're a little kid and when you finally reach "that age", you really become crestfallen. As such, watching some dude named James Bond beat up the bad guys, save the world, and get the girl rekindles some part of me that still has some sort of hope for the world.
Yes, that still sounds pompous so I'll say it another way.
James Bond represents a niche form of entertainment and sophistication. There's something for everyone. For the guys, there's a man who can get any woman he wants. For the adventure enthusiasts, there's a guy who does damn near impossible things (I refer to the free running chase that opens Casino Royale 2006). For the ladies, is this strong confident handsome male that still retains his humanity. For the kids, it's a classic tale of good vs evil where the good guy wins time and time again. Therein lies the entertainment and some degree of sophistication. The rest of the sophistication lies in a deeper analysis of the characters, the movies, and the way James Bond is portrayed by the different actors over the years. When I say deeper analysis, you should run a google search for theories about whether or not the 6 different actors are playing the same man or whether the name is a code name (it's not, though some still hang to that belief, and that's cool). Bond has been portrayed as a suave playboy to a flawed and burnt-out secret agent to the ideal man of the 1960's and will continue to both reflect and influence the present era in which he is found.
Evidence of this is found in film across the board across the years. After Dr. No was a big success, spy movies were taken a bit more seriously, if not only just for profit. Casino Royale 2006 made James Bond relevant again and reflected a trend in film-making that emphasized flawed characters that attempted to emulate some sort of realism, or just made subject matter more "gritty" and less superfluous.
The kid in me enjoys watching the guy beat up the bad guys and save the world. Current me is very much looking forward to Skyfall. Now, you're probably asking yourself: How did [I] watch these 22 movies 2 or 3 or more times, each? Well, I used to have a lot of time on my hands.
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