This for That

Sometimes, for no reason, I'll get caught up in thinking of the past. Or more accurately: decisions that I've come to look at with some degree of regret. In those moments, I wonder whether or not I was right in doing X instead of Y and so forth. But I also wonder about the sacrifices, however small they may have been, that were made when making those decisions.

I wonder more about whether or not I sacrificed too much or gave up more than I should have, or if I didn't give enough. There's something about this that'll drive me crazy because more often than not, the answers won't be inside me. They'll be found where I won't venture into. Primarily because that would require even more sacrifice than I am ready for right now (read: I don't wannnnnnaaaaaa). I say I don't wanna because there's really no point in trying to hurt myself by seeking out answers to corroded matters. It'd be an unfair sacrifice to exchange my sanity and well-being for something that'll send me spiraling downward into a blaze of stuff that definitely ain't glory.

That goes to prove that sometimes, sacrifices aren't worth it. You give up something valuable like time and money and in return you become horrible depressed or find out things that you were better off not knowing. Things that warp you horribly. Things that'll push you to become a horrible person, against your will. On the other hand, these things that warp you are valuable as they force you to adapt and launch you forward in one particular direction that you probably needed. One that forces you to shrug off pretensions or sever certain ties.

There are really far too many sides (to count) to everything. It's a fragile mammoth of some sort. To give something up is really a rather difficult action because you don't want to, aren't ready, really cannot, or because you are on the proverbial fence. This is often why when one makes a sacrifice, the second thoughts come flooding in. And with the second thoughts comes regret, in a varying hue of some sort.

But really, regret has no place being thought of or summoned. What matters or mattered is that sacrifice was made.

It takes a lot to give something up. Sometimes you know what you're getting into, and others times you don't. And whether you know the consequences or not, sacrificing for the sake of the known or unknown is bold, and to some degree admirable.

But you shouldn't ask yourself whether you gave up enough or not.