I'm often reminded of my mortality, the fact that I'm getting older, and the fact that I've probably already taken a few years off of my life by having drunk excessively (to which I've slowed down so much that turtles run laps around me- I only have one or two drinks and even then someone has to offer me a drink first), done drugs (I haven't done shit like meth or coke in many years), and- more recently- gone days without sleeping. On that last part: my dubious record (or personal "best") is 48 hours and maybe 30 minutes. Or however long it took from when the Uber picked me up at work, dropped me off at home, and I brushed my teeth and got into bed and then fell asleep.
That being said, I've noticed more lately how fragile time makes my body.
When I bump against something, I feel it much more now. This is especially true at work, where the temperature is often freezing. Literally. 0°C, -5°C, -26°C.
When I hit something, it fucking hurts for many minutes. God forbid I should hit the tip of my thumb (that I cut deep enough to get stitches) because that will hurt like hell for longer than I care to think about. I can't stand the cold like I used to either, the tips of my fingers will be stiff and render me weaker. I have to stop and shake my hands or try to make fists repeatedly to get some blood flowing, or leave the cold room altogether to recuperate.
It was never like this. I could often not wear a jacket or sweater and I'd be fine but now I have to wear a jacket even when it's hot outside.
Fuck, man.
Getting old sucks.
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Monday, September 5, 2016
Not There
I saw The Zombies perform in Pasadena on Friday night.
They were phenomenal! I wish I could remember their setlist in its entirety.
I remember they played I Love You, Can't Nobody Love You, She's Not There, Time of the Season, This Will be Our Year, Care of Cell 44, Tell Her No, Road Runner, Sticks and Stones, 2 Argent covers, and some of the new stuff which wasn't bad at all. In all honesty, age has not slowed them down one bit.
From the first notes, you could tell that they still had it.
They never lost it.
But despite how great they performed, one thing I couldn't shake from my mind was that despite their glory and splendor on stage, they've fallen.
Much like other heroes I've had. (Though this isn't to fully dismiss anyone I've admired or will come to admire.)
Maybe because the venue kinda sucked.
Hmm.
I've written about heroes before.
But I think it's okay to revisit old topics from time to time, provided that you don't let them devour you to the point of excess or ridicule.
I don't necessarily hope to outlive my heroes or die with them, but to grow with them and not necessarily out of them.
I used to admire (Carlos) Santana when I was a kid and he was probably the driving force behind me picking up the guitar (or sticking to it). Then it came to the point where I blurred the distinction between gimmick and signature and concluded something to the effect of, "he does the same thing all the time!" which in turn led me to tune out.
In that same vein, I've also done similar to people I know and held close.
It's not something I want to do but it's also something over which I have no control, it seems.
One crack presents itself and in time becomes bigger and bigger, and harder to ignore.
It's a sad thing to have to admit: when you know you've let go of your heroes and probably in doing so: what you thought they stood for.
This would explain why I haven't had the full steam I used to when playing guitar. It's not even a matter of quasi-arthritis and the fact that my wrists tend to get stiff when I play for extended periods of time. Though quasi-arthritis is something to look into. I'm probably cold and tired from my job, and maybe getting older. But definitely aware I should play more guitar.
For myself.
They were phenomenal! I wish I could remember their setlist in its entirety.
I remember they played I Love You, Can't Nobody Love You, She's Not There, Time of the Season, This Will be Our Year, Care of Cell 44, Tell Her No, Road Runner, Sticks and Stones, 2 Argent covers, and some of the new stuff which wasn't bad at all. In all honesty, age has not slowed them down one bit.
From the first notes, you could tell that they still had it.
They never lost it.
But despite how great they performed, one thing I couldn't shake from my mind was that despite their glory and splendor on stage, they've fallen.
Much like other heroes I've had. (Though this isn't to fully dismiss anyone I've admired or will come to admire.)
Maybe because the venue kinda sucked.
Hmm.
I've written about heroes before.
But I think it's okay to revisit old topics from time to time, provided that you don't let them devour you to the point of excess or ridicule.
I don't necessarily hope to outlive my heroes or die with them, but to grow with them and not necessarily out of them.
I used to admire (Carlos) Santana when I was a kid and he was probably the driving force behind me picking up the guitar (or sticking to it). Then it came to the point where I blurred the distinction between gimmick and signature and concluded something to the effect of, "he does the same thing all the time!" which in turn led me to tune out.
In that same vein, I've also done similar to people I know and held close.
It's not something I want to do but it's also something over which I have no control, it seems.
One crack presents itself and in time becomes bigger and bigger, and harder to ignore.
It's a sad thing to have to admit: when you know you've let go of your heroes and probably in doing so: what you thought they stood for.
This would explain why I haven't had the full steam I used to when playing guitar. It's not even a matter of quasi-arthritis and the fact that my wrists tend to get stiff when I play for extended periods of time. Though quasi-arthritis is something to look into. I'm probably cold and tired from my job, and maybe getting older. But definitely aware I should play more guitar.
For myself.
She Abandoned Me
Silence
settling over the echoes of emptiness
of nothingness upon dust
Nary an iota
of what it never meant
Only faded rust
There was probably some hope
but now that's gone.
There was probably life on that planet
but now:
doomed to crawl towards the ever fading stars
Wasn't this miserable
Wasn't this weird
Wasn't this
Was more pleasant
Was more ferocious
Was more
But it's not anyone's responsibility
guide me in the right direction
It's nobody's cross to bear but my own
Yeah.
I'm on my own.
A skeleton howls at the stars.
twinkling ashes of yesterday cover self-made scars.
Night washes away a poorly self-constructed angst
The weakest shield from
"she abandoned me."
Was she ever here to begin with?
settling over the echoes of emptiness
of nothingness upon dust
Nary an iota
of what it never meant
Only faded rust
There was probably some hope
but now that's gone.
There was probably life on that planet
but now:
doomed to crawl towards the ever fading stars
Wasn't this miserable
Wasn't this weird
Wasn't this
Was more pleasant
Was more ferocious
Was more
But it's not anyone's responsibility
guide me in the right direction
It's nobody's cross to bear but my own
Yeah.
I'm on my own.
A skeleton howls at the stars.
twinkling ashes of yesterday cover self-made scars.
Night washes away a poorly self-constructed angst
The weakest shield from
"she abandoned me."
Was she ever here to begin with?
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Review: The Withers EP
The Withers EP
The Withers
2013
[FULL DISCLOSURE: I personally know this band, as previously mentioned. I will do my best to maintain a high degree of neutrality and objectivity in this review. Read: I won't hand out a baffling and impossible gorillion/10 simply because I've gone drinking with the band. I'll try to be as unbiased as possible.]
I don't fully remember but I'm pretty sure The Withers EP was the first thing I heard. I remember being told to check the band out, I remember doing a Google search for the band, and coming across Pleas Please Me and EP on Bandcamp. I also remember that the EP was (and still is) $4 and this is where my review starts.
It really was (and still is) at least $4 on Bandcamp. Pleas Please Me was (and still is) free. I didn't care about having to pay for the EP, probably because I actually met the band and everything. And also because the frontman wasn't a cocky arrogant son of a bitch or anything. His intentions seemed purely driven by a love for music as opposed to aspiring to fame, expensive designer sunglasses (he wore some cheap ladies' sunglasses one sunny summer afternoon even though I offered to lend him my Ray-Ban Wayfarers for the day), or fat stacks.
A love of music over a love of the material.
The Withers EP is a different creature from Pleas Please Me.
For starters, the most obvious differences between the two are the way the songs sound. In terms of presentation, EP sounds much cleaner than Pleas. EP is not muddled, or overly distorted to the point of hindering the experience. The other difference is that EP is just that: an EP. With only 4 songs at under 20 minutes, it is obviously much shorter than Pleas (9 songs/35 minutes).
However, none of that really matters.
While EP is shorter, it is more focused in its assault on the senses. There is a marked degree of sophistication and maturity that is present on the record. There's more discipline and focus, and the songs are tighter in composition and presentation. There's more structure and more precision. Despite these seemingly rigid and stringent factors in place, there is still plenty of heart and fun. If anything, the structure helps the songs flow more cohesively (despite the absence of an ultimately meaningless overarching theme or narrative).
Just Like a Sin starts by mesmerizing and hypnotizing with its arpeggiating and droning, and then it just becomes something else which can only be described after listening to it (written words won't do it justice though that won't stop me from trying). You're drawn in by the arpeggiating, the steady beat of the drum, the haunting though not frightening vocals, and then the masterful manipulation of feedback (when played live it's a kazoo). After that, you're treated with a raw, aggressive, and wonderful display of talent and musical finesse through controlled and blissful sonic violence. If that makes any sense. The song ends with the listener processing what they just heard before they are treated to a song that can best be described as acerbic in that it has a relatively upbeat sound but surprisingly bleak lyrics.
Glowin' in the Dark is upbeat but not sugary if only because of its lyrics, though it should be pointed out that the lyrics aren't a disgustingly grim show of display, either. One line in particular is profound but will most likely end up being buried in the rough (but still listenable) vocals and the catchy sound. "All we are means nothing to the stars." A bit of a bummer if all you want is a sweet pop song, though you should be looking elsewhere until The Withers decide to play such sweet and sugary pop songs. Even the songs that follow (and round out the recording, respectively), which would probably be perfect as a sugary songs buck your expectations.
The same song found on Pleas is back! High Fructose Corn Syrup Blues! Only it's been reworked to demonstrate precision as well as the increase in sophistication in composition and presentation. It helps that the recording sounds clearer than on Pleas. This means that, this time, you can really hear the wailing and woe on these unconventional blues.
To finish off EP, you get a revamped and (in my opinion) improved version of the same song found on Pleas. A B or C. This time around, it's more aggressive, more ferocious, and brighter than before.
The only major flaw that EP has is that it's just that: an EP. This means that with 4 songs, the listener is left wanting more. There will be more, eventually and EP does a good job of getting you started.
Still waiting on Am I Hurting You? and Heavy is the Sound to get a proper recording and release.
Despite the precision, polish, and sheen on EP, this is no indicator that The Withers have sold out or have softened their sound. It just means that it sounds clearer and cleaner despite still being rough around the edges.
Maybe the last lines of the first song (or the first song as a whole) captures the record and sheds more light on the band.
THIS CACOPHONY IS THE EPITOME -IT SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE A SYMPHONY- IT GOES ON & ON THE SONG REMAINS A MYSTERY
8.5/10
Monday, April 4, 2016
Remarkable?
As of this writing, I have 11 or so months (or 363 days) to accomplish something musically remarkable and amazing. Then I have to die.
I turned 27.
That's a bit of morbid humor to help cope with the fact that I'm getting older and despite my best efforts and wishes, life is passing me by. Not because I sit on my ass all day, but because I have to take different approaches to things like employment and the fact that I have to take on an erratic and unhealthy schedule in order to pay bills and the sort.
I'm taking it in stride.
While I don't like the fact that I'm getting older and often feel like I haven't accomplished anything, I would like to age gracefully thus rejecting the idea of dying young. And living fast.
Hmm.
Those who are older than me tell me it's nothing to worry about. They're almost 30 so I trust their words.
"It's not bad at all. Relax."
I turned 27.
That's a bit of morbid humor to help cope with the fact that I'm getting older and despite my best efforts and wishes, life is passing me by. Not because I sit on my ass all day, but because I have to take different approaches to things like employment and the fact that I have to take on an erratic and unhealthy schedule in order to pay bills and the sort.
I'm taking it in stride.
While I don't like the fact that I'm getting older and often feel like I haven't accomplished anything, I would like to age gracefully thus rejecting the idea of dying young. And living fast.
Hmm.
Those who are older than me tell me it's nothing to worry about. They're almost 30 so I trust their words.
"It's not bad at all. Relax."
Monday, March 21, 2016
British bands live in my wallet
Black Sabbath
Iron Maiden
The Cure
Radiohead
Oh! Right, what's all this, then?
2016 has been shaping up to be a very interesting year thus far. I've been working more consistently though it's been on a very shitty schedule. I've also been reuniting with people though the reception has been mixed: frowned upon, labeled regrettable, or perplexing but ultimately rewarding in some form. Truths have also been revealed themselves leaving me in a state of shock. But that has nothing to do with the topic at hand.
In terms of music, 2016 has seen the repeated draining of my wallet. As I've already committed to seeing the above bands (in that order, interestingly), it is safe to say that British bands have indeed taken up residency in my wallet. Or it's a clever scheme designed to collect overdue tax money in retaliation for the Boston Tea Party, despite the fact that I had nothing to do with it nor did my ancestors (as far as I know).
And it's all part of a plan I've had kicking around in my head since I first bought tickets for Iron Maiden late last year. (The Forum, April 15, 2016). My plan is to see big bands/musicians before they stop playing: retirement, disbanding, death, whatever the reason is. This idea that I should see them before they stopped really hit me when I was debating whether I should see Black Sabbath at the Forum (February 11, 2016) or the Hollywood Bowl (September). Because the weeks prior to Black Sabbath had been riddled with the deaths of legendary and unbelievably talented musicians, the decision to fork over my money was made easier. I HAVE NO REGRETS! Black Sabbath at the Forum was an amazing show, as evidenced by the fact that my voice was shot and raspy by the end, I was mildly drenched in sweat, and woke up sore from rocking the fuck out. As the time for the Hollywood Bowl show draws nearer, I'll decide if I want to see them again. After all, it's their farewell tour, they're much older now and not exactly in the greatest health considering their pasts.
Truthfully, the setlist for Iron Maiden so far has been subject to criticism though I choose to remain mostly silent on it because it's going to be my first Iron Maiden concert and I got really good seats. I'm happy they're playing "Powerslave" which happens to be from my favorite album. That being said, I'm not too keen on the fact that the majority of the setlist is from their new album which baffles people when I say that I'm looking forward to The Cure (the Hollywood Bowl, May 23, 2016) more than I am Iron Maiden. Now, if the setlist were to alter in a way that would extend the show, and/or include more of the classics (or at least "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" and/or "The Clansman"), then I would be far more optimistic and possibly withdraw my statement. Or amend it to reflect the amendments.
As I've a reputation as a tough bad boy to keep, I only mention that particular factoid to certain people. Though I realize that by posting it on here, it's kind of a null assertion. I only look forward to The Cure more than Iron Maiden because of the company that'll be in attendance with me. And because I've been told they play long sets (thereby making it worth my time and money). I maintain this enthusiasm despite the fact that the Hollywood Bowl is quickly becoming my default venue (I've been to 3 shows there and the Cure will make 4). The Forum is at 3 shows (2 concerts, 1 comedy show, and Iron Maiden will make 4) so far.
The same sentiment goes for Radiohead (The Shrine, August 4, 2016) though that's something of an odd duck. I say this because I haven't kept up with Radiohead in years; I listen to their music from time to time but not like before when I would spend the entirety of a day listening to their discography. "King of Limbs" has left me confused and reveling in their older material. I hope they play "Nobody Does it Better" but I just hope to have a good time.
That's really all I ask if the Brits are taking my money: to have a smashing good time.
Iron Maiden
The Cure
Radiohead
Oh! Right, what's all this, then?
2016 has been shaping up to be a very interesting year thus far. I've been working more consistently though it's been on a very shitty schedule. I've also been reuniting with people though the reception has been mixed: frowned upon, labeled regrettable, or perplexing but ultimately rewarding in some form. Truths have also been revealed themselves leaving me in a state of shock. But that has nothing to do with the topic at hand.
In terms of music, 2016 has seen the repeated draining of my wallet. As I've already committed to seeing the above bands (in that order, interestingly), it is safe to say that British bands have indeed taken up residency in my wallet. Or it's a clever scheme designed to collect overdue tax money in retaliation for the Boston Tea Party, despite the fact that I had nothing to do with it nor did my ancestors (as far as I know).
And it's all part of a plan I've had kicking around in my head since I first bought tickets for Iron Maiden late last year. (The Forum, April 15, 2016). My plan is to see big bands/musicians before they stop playing: retirement, disbanding, death, whatever the reason is. This idea that I should see them before they stopped really hit me when I was debating whether I should see Black Sabbath at the Forum (February 11, 2016) or the Hollywood Bowl (September). Because the weeks prior to Black Sabbath had been riddled with the deaths of legendary and unbelievably talented musicians, the decision to fork over my money was made easier. I HAVE NO REGRETS! Black Sabbath at the Forum was an amazing show, as evidenced by the fact that my voice was shot and raspy by the end, I was mildly drenched in sweat, and woke up sore from rocking the fuck out. As the time for the Hollywood Bowl show draws nearer, I'll decide if I want to see them again. After all, it's their farewell tour, they're much older now and not exactly in the greatest health considering their pasts.
Truthfully, the setlist for Iron Maiden so far has been subject to criticism though I choose to remain mostly silent on it because it's going to be my first Iron Maiden concert and I got really good seats. I'm happy they're playing "Powerslave" which happens to be from my favorite album. That being said, I'm not too keen on the fact that the majority of the setlist is from their new album which baffles people when I say that I'm looking forward to The Cure (the Hollywood Bowl, May 23, 2016) more than I am Iron Maiden. Now, if the setlist were to alter in a way that would extend the show, and/or include more of the classics (or at least "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" and/or "The Clansman"), then I would be far more optimistic and possibly withdraw my statement. Or amend it to reflect the amendments.
As I've a reputation as a tough bad boy to keep, I only mention that particular factoid to certain people. Though I realize that by posting it on here, it's kind of a null assertion. I only look forward to The Cure more than Iron Maiden because of the company that'll be in attendance with me. And because I've been told they play long sets (thereby making it worth my time and money). I maintain this enthusiasm despite the fact that the Hollywood Bowl is quickly becoming my default venue (I've been to 3 shows there and the Cure will make 4). The Forum is at 3 shows (2 concerts, 1 comedy show, and Iron Maiden will make 4) so far.
The same sentiment goes for Radiohead (The Shrine, August 4, 2016) though that's something of an odd duck. I say this because I haven't kept up with Radiohead in years; I listen to their music from time to time but not like before when I would spend the entirety of a day listening to their discography. "King of Limbs" has left me confused and reveling in their older material. I hope they play "Nobody Does it Better" but I just hope to have a good time.
That's really all I ask if the Brits are taking my money: to have a smashing good time.
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Rusty axe
A rusty axe can't hack it. I, on the other hand, can and will.
But not here, not in this present bubble.
I find it very particular that people will go out of their way to keep others down.
An interview is just that: an interview. It's not a guaranteed position, nor is it a promise or legally binding contract to offer someone employment. It's an opportunity for the applicant to prove themselves capable of something for which they strive. How can anyone aspire if they aren't even allowed a moment to breathe?
I'm stuck in a dead end job for the time being, it seems.
But not here, not in this present bubble.
I find it very particular that people will go out of their way to keep others down.
An interview is just that: an interview. It's not a guaranteed position, nor is it a promise or legally binding contract to offer someone employment. It's an opportunity for the applicant to prove themselves capable of something for which they strive. How can anyone aspire if they aren't even allowed a moment to breathe?
I'm stuck in a dead end job for the time being, it seems.
Friday, March 4, 2016
Labium
I want
to
kiss
your lips
No...
Something more.
To taste more
than just the surface
and the juices
of your flesh
smooth, soft, supple
sweetly scented
sublime.
what lies
beneath
and beyond
your rosy petals
Those that conceal
an equally eager ferocity
to devour something of me
Give life to something barren
Through salted means
Your lips
The way they lure me
The way they invite me in
The way they keep me here
Hungry
Sweet
Perfumed
Better
You
Scented
senses
suppleness
supplanting serenity
your lips
to
kiss
your lips
No...
Something more.
To taste more
than just the surface
and the juices
of your flesh
smooth, soft, supple
sweetly scented
sublime.
what lies
beneath
and beyond
your rosy petals
Those that conceal
an equally eager ferocity
to devour something of me
Give life to something barren
Through salted means
Your lips
The way they lure me
The way they invite me in
The way they keep me here
Hungry
Sweet
Perfumed
Better
You
Scented
senses
suppleness
supplanting serenity
your lips
Saturday, January 2, 2016
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