Skim

As a male, I am expected to do and be a lot of things. I'm expected to be strong, wise, a provider, fearless, courageous, and to obey and carry out my duties, and other things I didn't list. It's obvious that a lot is expected of me as I am considered young. It is my duty as a human male on this Earth. Make money, make babies, make a life for them. If we were being graded or judged on these particular expectations, I would say I'm doing an awful job at meeting these expectations. I'm stalling and the plummet seems to be happening in slow motion. The reasons for this is that when the expectations are being created, nobody looks at the smaller details, the gears and cogs that make the big machine run. All they want to see is the big picture. I try to ignore all these things and forge a path for myself. The steps I take do coincide with expectations but not all the time.

Why? Because everything is stupid and I refuse to play the game, though I grudgingly do so to keep people from talking.

I am also expected to eventually find a girl, get married, have children and provide for my family (and be everything I listed on a far greater level than before. That's to say: if I'm supposed to be strong now, I'm supposed to be able to move mountains as a father. This exaggeration is apt.)

But notice how I left out "fall in love", even though you probably read it automatically. Anyone older than me who has told me to get married has never told me to "fall in love" whilst in the pursuit of a wife. Despite this, I'm also expected to be romantic.

This presents a minor annoyance that still remains significant in how baffling it can be. "Do this but not this while doing exactly not this" is the closest way of putting it into words.

Goddamn it.