Ticking Away

2011 is well underway. Almost half done, actually.

A new year. A relatively clean slate. A new chance.

At least, that's what we've been led to believe. In reality, all this talk of new opportunities is a thinly veiled mind control technique designed to make one forget about the past. Hmm. Not that bad, in a way. Of course, there are those who would argue that time means nothing. It's another social construct designed to dehumanize us all. And by that same token, holidays and other dates we've established to commemorate events are included in the meaninglessness of it all. But if we were to abolish our system of dates then the dates we should always keep in mind would vanish into the dust. Hmm. A set of golden handcuffs? Maybe.

Regardless, one cannot deny that 2011 is a new year. More often than not, a new year represents new opportunities. New people, new tasks, new challenges. More often than not, one finds that they cannot shake off the trappings of a year now gone. Still got some monkeys on your back and a horde of demons still waiting to be dealt with. You know the kind. People who vow to exercise and get into better shape. They try so hard the first month or so and then vanish into a sea of fried foods and inertia.

Then, there are more pressing matters that for some reason or another never get resolved. It seems strange that these types of things get ranked lower on the scale of priority but it's probably because there's more stress and pain in existential matters than in the petty ones.

In the past, I've made lists of things I wanted to do in the new year. I never did any of them. Or I did them for a few weeks then forgot about it and repeated the habits I wanted to avoid in the first place. I never really gave them much thought probably because I was a kid or just naïve. Probably both.

This time around that cycle has repeated itself. But not out laziness but because of a general sense of apathy. I really don't care about certain things anymore. Which is actually a big problem and a wonderful paradox. I want to care about something but nothing really registers with me these days. Chalk that up to a lack of motivation which is the cause of many problems. A deficiency in motivation is a deficiency in many other things.

If things go well, the remainder of the year will give me a reason to give a damn. Or more of a damn.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go roll some dice.