Frenzied Stoicism

Several months ago, someone asked me: "How come you never show emotion?"

It was a strange question for that person to ask me. Especially since that person has known me for about 2 maybe 3 years. We're not actually friends but that person knows me and for some bizarre reason has often hung out with my friends and I. Nonetheless, it's still a damning question to be asked. "How come [I] never show emotion?"

It came at a weird time because the chums and I were just hanging out, not doing anything but watching a movie.

Still, I gave a simplistic but verbose bullshit answer of "it's all relative": that people show emotion differently. It was enough to end that discussion but the question had already begun to dig itself deeper into my mind. I didn't lose sleep over it but I definitely thought about it often afterward.

The answer I gave (though satisfactory) led to debate about whether or not I do or do not show expression. But what are emotions? Expressions? Feelings? Are they universal? Relative? A universally mutually shared unique experience? Part of the collective unconscious? All of these things and more perhaps.

I'm not a robot. Of this I am certain. If I were, I'd rust in water or girls would complain that my touch is too cold or something. I just think that it's stupid to point out to someone that they don't show emotion. Emotions can be so powerful that they becomes so subtle and ultimately dwarf everything else and present a calm state of being. Think of stars, and the sun. As we know, the sun is basically a star. The only difference is distance. Stars that we admire so much are relatively subtle when compared to the sun but that doesn't mean that the sun isn't a star, or that the star can't sustain life in its respective part of the galaxy.

Think of the ocean and the beach. We see a series of repetitive waves crashing against the shore but sailing further and further away from shore, your vessel will most likely be torn apart by a series of enormous waves and storms. The surface is relatively calm but diving further and further, chances are something will eat you alive or kill you. Same place, different experience.

Me punching a hole into a wall is a subtle form of anger to someone else. Whereas furrowed eyebrows and curt sentences spell unimaginable doom in the eyes of others. Frenzied stoicism. Stoic frenzy. Take your pick; you're still showing something.