50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

That Paul Simon song only lists 6~ ways to leave your lover. Without looking it up, I'm sure someone else has done this before but here's my facetious take on the song / adding to it.

Listen to the version by Simon & Garfunkel from Concert in Central Park to hear them getting funky. Awesome.

*Disclaimer: Most of these are terrible, terrible, terrible ideas.

1 Slip out the back, Jack
2 Make a new plan, Stan
3 You don't need to be coy, Roy
4 Just get yourself free
5 Hop on the bus, Gus, you don't need to discuss much
6 Just drop off the key, Lee And get yourself free

7 Simply walk out.
8 Go for a night out on the town, then just leave them in the middle of wherever you are
9 Move out to someplace else
10 Travel to another dimension
11 Pick up a disgusting habit
12 Give them a hard whack on the head so they forget who you are.
13 Give them a hard whack on the head so they decide to leave because you're too violent.
14 Fake your own death.
15 Write a libelous book about them; they'll have to leave you alone.
16 Send them to a hospital on Guerrero street.
17 Ignore them and they'll eventually piss off.
18 Go out to the store for cigarettes and don't come back.
19 Get abducted by aliens.
20 Travel back in time.
21 Give yourself amnesia.
22 Hypnotize yourself so you think you're a chicken.
23 Build an underground shelter with enough food to last for 10 years, hide for 8 or so years, then re-emerge. By now, you'll be considered legally dead letting you be free to start a brand new life.
24 Move to another planet.
25 Move to another galaxy.
26 If your lover has political views that conflict with yours, exploit those differences.
27 Join a cult.
28 Join an organization like the Peace Corps.
29 Force your lover to join a cult.
30 Force your lover to join an organization like the Peace Corps.
31 Magic.
32 Abuse science.
33 Give them money to leave.
34 Tell them they owe you money so often that they get fed up and take off.
35 Be uncomfortably clingy.
36 Be a real asshole/bitch.
37 Tie them to a chair and put them on the next train out of town.
38 Play a game you know they'll lose, loser has to leave town.
39 Make them think they're going bonkers so they end up in a loony bin
40 Brainwash them into leaving
41 Become so rich and powerful that your responsibilities ultimately alienate you from your lover
42 Run away to the forest and never come back
43 Become so passionate about a subject that it ultimately alienates you from your lover.
44 Sail to the Bermuda triangle
45 Join a religious movement that stresses celibacy as one of its core principles
46 Let your vices push them away
47 Tell them you don't love them anymore
48 Don't love them anymore
49 Change
50 Hate them so much you can't stand them.

Meh.