Bernard Marx

Whenever I read a book, or anything for that matter, my mind tends to keep an eye out for a quote or passage that stands out from the rest of the material. In the positive sense.

That particular quote (whatever it may be) will stick with me long after I've finished reading; or, more accurately, I'll remember it for some time. It may or may not change my way of thinking. It may just be some sparse food for thought. It might just sound cool. This unplanned strategy of finding a quote probably hinders me and my understanding more than help because my mind (or the part I can't control which seems to be in charge of this mission) becomes so focused on finding a quote that I can't enjoy what I'm reading or absorb any greater meaning.

The only times I can think of in which this strategy paid off for the better were when I read A Clockwork Orange and Brave New World for the first time.

"When a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man." and most of what the Prison Chaplain said about choice, freedom, and the nature of man. Most of the Chaplain's speechery rang true (or so I thought) because I was in that awkward teenage phase of punk rebellion (minus the punk music, or any music) of "I know everything, goddamn it! What the fuck, man? Fucking government! Fucking society!" and comparatively mild teenage angst. I spent most of my time buried in a few books, bad tv, and/or video games. I've since become buried in more books and film and other stuff. What rang true in those days doesn't ring the same way now because I've obviously grown physically and mentally, at least I hope I have. If I were to think about it, it would ring on a different level by which I mean I would think beyond just my bubble of security and possibly a greater stretch of society. Possibly, not definitely. How we give up certain things for others. I wouldn't actually say trade because to me trade implies willingness and a small but strong possibility that what you gave up will return to you in some shape or form that is equal to or greater than that which you relinquished. Giving up, for me, implies just that- giving up something and not getting it back, and if you get anything back it's not what you want. But if we're going for some common ground- an unfair trade.

The Chaplain's talk implies that there is more to life than going from point A to point B. That one should do what they want rather than always doing what is demanded of them, which is a soul-crushing experience (like working in an office, trust me on this). And that one should be compelled to do good because they want to not because it is demanded of them, or forced. What good is good if it's artificial and not genuine? (Coincidentally, that's the same argument I used for volunteering. Oh, I'm a horrible person. Or I just despise those who volunteer to look good on paper and not to actually do a good deed.)

“I'd rather be myself. Myself and nasty. Not somebody else, however jolly”
I don't remember exactly when I read Brave New World. It was definitely after I read A Clockwork Orange and possibly when I had matured from my pseudo-punk phase. I really connected with Bernard Marx's quote because I guess I felt like an outsider as well, despite fitting in. Maybe I was part of this great machine but something about me was off and refused to fit in, or I couldn't. (I remember listening to the Velvet Underground because my peers were. I still listen to them... sometimes, every now and then, rarely. Turns out their music is good but not really my thing, or I'm not as fanatical about them as others.) I know when I came across Marx's quote, I was taken aback. You are presented with this guy who's supposed to be X but is instead Y and because of it, people step on him or don't treat him as they should. He's an alpha who by some accident has a shorter body than the rest of his alpha peers. As a result, he is treated like less despite being very brilliant and capable of the same things. He refuses to take soma and conform to the ideas everyone follows, even if his rejection earns him their hatred. That quote gives you this intelligent bitter bastard who not only hates his peers but relishes the fact that he's different and goes to great lengths to embrace it even if it hurts others. Magnificent bastard. Magnificent in the sense that he stays true to himself when all others would disregard their last shred of humanity for the fleeting sensation of feeling good.

I've tried to live by that quote because I've always been a bitter person of some sort. Which I find to be very odd when people tell me I'm a sweet person. I'll take it but with a grain of salt because I'll always doubt it, and always be suspicious. I've tried to live by that quote with varying degrees of success because the self will always be difficult to define given that one will always change. And despite how I change, I'll always be myself. I'll never be able to remove myself from my place of birth- in the sense that if I say I was born on Neptune and provide documentation for it it still won't be true. And as such, I'll embrace myself and who I am whenever I am.

Oh. If anybody tells you that people don't change, they are wrong. The only thing that's constant is change, and nobody escapes that. What they really mean to say is that some things are changeless.

"Some things are changeless. People love, and die, they dream, destroy, despair, go mad. They fulfill their destinies, live out the course of their lives. We fulfill our function, as they fulfill theirs... That will not change."

That's from The Sandman. And it's true people will always change and anybody who says otherwise is probably unable to come to grips with that, which is really sad because change can be a good thing. Actually, change is neutral; it depends entirely on the individual whether said change will be good or bad or ugly or weird.

I read to read and enjoy and think. If I learn, I learn. If I find a quote that hits me, I'll roll with those punches.