Reflect on Steam (A String of Queries)

I find it sad how steam tends to run out of trains, or people, after a while. I have ideas in my head throughout the day but by nightfall, they don't always flesh out to anything substantial (or what I feel to be substantial). Therein lies the rub, or to speak normally- the problem. The problem is that I tend to believe that anything I create is not worthy. Maybe it is to someone else and that's all that really matters: a certain type of altruism, doing things not strictly for the self but for a general overall well-being for everyone, or at the very least not just for oneself. Maximize good for all? Maybe. Maximize good for more than just the self? Yes, that could work.

If altruism is the goal I reach for without thinking, why do I carry a sense of self-loathing when I scratch the surface of the surface? Is the feeling of self-worthlessness in regards to writing, or a general sense of self-loathing normal? Have I run out of patience with myself if I seem to loathe myself and my writing?

Running out of steam is normal, I suppose. The fact that it's normal doesn't change the fact that it's sad (or that I find it disheartening) or that it could be avoided (for the most part) or delayed to the point that it carries the illusion of evasion. I say it takes effort, and being willing to make it work. But can altruism be abandoned or set aside if there's no motivation? Does that contradict everything? Does the house of cards then come crashing down?

Or do you have to accept altruism in order for any of that stuff to apply? Can one be justified in saying, "no more" and walking away from the situation if there's nothing there?